I’m again thinking about other jobs…just like last year. I’m starting to feel like some of the advice I receive makes me feel like I’m doing everything wrong. It doesn’t come with concrete feedback like, this is working, build on that.
But just like last year there are adults coming into my room who are saying that it is super hard. They advocated for me at a meeting yesterday which I really appreciate.
And then two friends stayed until six o’clock with me helping to organize leveled binders for each student.
As we did that though I thought of the million other things on my to do list such as: complete lesson plans, prep emergency work for when we have to get up and leave the room due to another student’s behavior, call families to set IEP meetings, send a meeting notice to the families, send an outlook request to the team, show up at my third staff meeting of the week after school on Wednesday, improve my leveled work, write up clear guidelines for the adults to use around behavior, tape off an area to designate where a student needs to stay due to a history of extremely unsafe behavior, clean the tables and desks because my students pulled ceiling tiles out of the ceiling and smashed them on furniture yesterday….the list goes on.
I woke up with a stomach ache this morning.
And as I ride the bus to work I know there are jobs less stressful than mine and a lot of these people are probably headed to them.
And I think, am I an idiot for doing this? It would be so easy to bail.
But so many people bail on these kids. It’s heartbreaking. And I keep thinking, I’m still in school for this, I haven’t learned all I need to know to do this. I asked my professor if she could help me get into some classrooms this year to observe teachers who are doing what I do. I think that could help.